You Only Live Once

Child: Dad, when do I start getting an allowance...?
Grandpa: You want a what??? I ALLOW you to live under MY house, Eat my food, Breathe my air, I allow you to live!!! What more do you want... Ungrateful n*****
Son:.........

Only on boondocks, season 3...

Good morning readers. How you doing? Am good, hope you are too. No food poisoning, hangovers or beaten up faces? Good...

New readers from New Zealand, Canada, Philippines, Australia, Switzerland and Pakistan. And a very high Increase in Swiss, Latvia and USA views. Welcome one, welcome all. P.S Look for your country's flag among the below....

Last Weekend, but several... Had an amazing Friday. No classes at all so went with a couple of chics and dudes to Tric, hitting them X Box 360's all morning (the only way to play mortal kombat) took a quick lunch and sheeshad the afternoon away at zaytoons. To crown it all off, deejay-ed at a friends graduation party. Congrats Wahu! Proud of yew... Had an unforgettable time, which brings me to today topic...

                                                                

We only live once. That's easy to understand. Question is, was there any danger of people thinking otherwise? Life is short. Too short. Just a couple of years ago you were sucking on your thumb,the same size as a mature chicken and your whole vocabulary was "mama". I ain't kidding. 70 years, average lifespan, is not that long. Okay, so maybe it not that short either but you get my point. And so should Jay Z, rapping bout "forever young". I hope you're wiser now since you've got a 6 month old baby.


Like Drake rapped,

 "You only live once: that’s the motto nigga YOLO

We bout it every day, every day, every day

Like we sittin’ on the bench, nigga we don’t really play

Every day, every day, f-ck what anybody say

Can’t seem em cause the money in the way,

Real nigga wassup"

 Live a little. All men are alive, not all of them live. Why was man made? Not to procreate silly, but to enjoy Gods creations. X Box 360 may not be 100% "Made in heaven" but am sure at some point after toiling all day, The lord would have wanted us to relax, blow of steam (not really sheesha smoke but am diversifying). Cos life is tough, and if it wasn't, it wouldn't be worth living. Put in a different way...

Smart peeps recognize fellow smart peeps. The only ones ignored or irrelevant are those standing still their entire life. Life's too short...thinking and planning and thinking and planning, and thinking of planning, and planning on thinking, and thinking of doing something?...Just do it dammit! You'd rather live a life of "oh well's", "at least i know that cant work" ,than a life of "what if's". "Maybe" and the parents/teachers/lecturers favorite, "I WISH I KNEW."

So live your life, right now, cos tomorrow might , NO!, tomorrow WILL be too late...  





YOLO should be a motto, inscribed on everyone's forehead at birth, naturally of course. Imagine the agony of a baby being tattooed. And like every coin, (Even those huge Kibaki ones), YOLO has two sides...

• Side A. You have one life, so don't waste it living a life so boring It makes monks look like rave kings. Have fun, do dangerous stuff,  like bungee jumping or skydiving. Flirt, drink, if you want to smoke be my guest I aint telling you to, sleep around(am also not advising any one on that). Get a tattoo, of angel wings on tour back or a grasshopper on your arm, hehe. Do crazy stuff  for one reason and one reason only, that you want to. Rebel against normalcy every so often.Pump up your adrenaline, believe me, you'll know when your pumped...

• Side B.(This is the part where I sound like an old-fashioned parent). In the process of having fun, do not kill yourself. You do not stop living as a Nun on Thursday and on Friday you're jumping (read parachuting)off planes at 8000 feet, you will probably not make it to the ground. (Warning: If you shit yourself or mess up in the process of doing any of the above, do not refer to this blog as your advisor. I will deny to my last breath!)

May you do stuff with your life that you will be proud of when you're on your death bed and your family is around you (If youll have one) crying and you smile as you remember both the good and not so good times...
 
So here's a toast, to Life! To life,*clinking of glasses* , to Life. May we all never regret any decisions we make and live life to the fullest.YOLO! YOLO!! YOLO!!! YOLO!!! OK, you can stop saying YOLO now!

YOLO!YOLO! yolo!  yolo! YOLO! YOLO! yolo, yolo! STOP IT!!! YOLO! YOLO! yolo! yolo! YOLO!YOLO!

*Angel voice* Please dont say YOLO again, PLEASE DONT!!!
*Devil voice* Say it! Just one more time! Cmon!

“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”
― Mae West        


Have An amazing week.

 Live life.

Yours,

Dean.

SPAIN V ITALY :THE AFTERMATH

Last night, Spain vs Italy. Final score, 4-0 to Spain. Was a good game. Spain played very well, perfectly. Every shot was calculated. Every pass counted, clinical precision. Defense was amazing. Balloteli couldn't get space to bendover and pull up his socks, let alone score a goal. Man of the match should have been Cassilas, (the only reason Italy dint win). Hes one of the best keepers in the world, and he proved it last night, though we really would have appreciated if you'd let one slip by....Anyway,as we all know, every good team has a but...

The Spain part of the game was boring!!! No hating, just the truth. So yeah, their game was picture perfect, big deal. And yes, the first goal was awesome, no competition. But it was one of the most uninteresting teams Ive ever watched. The passes were great, good for them. Thats just about it. There were no risks taken, no spectacular shots, no amazing on the ball moves(except when Fabregas made some defender dance back and forth like a puppet. Beautiful), no great tackles But for Italy, it was a different story...

The shots were amazing, breathtaking. The kind of shots that make your leg jump as if ur the one kicking(hitting yourself in the process, of course). And again cassilas stops it, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again(I could go on all day and night)... But to Italy's credit, Cassilas has not had those many shots on target in a single game for the whole tournament. I'm feeling sorry for those readers who aren't soccer fans, just bear with me. The way Italy played against Britain was amazing, but Its understandable if it doesn't happen twice... I have always believed that the only time a man should cry is 1.At his mothers funeral ,but I can add a number 2.When he loses an international final and isnt feeling very "manly"... Balloteli, this time your excused...

PREDICTION TIME: This is probably the last time that Spain are winning an international tournament. Unless they come to the African Cup of nations(where they'll win for 15 years straight), this is it. When Barcelona (The team, not the city, soccer haters) started winning, Spain followed suit very soon after. After barca lost the champions league, their reign ended and very soon, so will Spain. Looking at how Portugal rattled them in the semi finals, (I can just picture ronaldo rattling their hair off)this is the beginning of their end. Everyone will figure their passing... And I am not to be quoted in case I am wrong. Where I come from they don't teach "fortune teller" in the local polytechnic(though I doubt Id have studied it.) Superstition aint my thang...

 Barcelona was stopped when Chelsea discovered how to stop Messi,hehe...

Balloteli has come of age.When he scored those two goals against Germany cos his mother was in the crowd was a very big sign. A big loss like last nights will teach humility and the pressure of such a big game will build him up.Perfecto combination. All I can say is, Watch this guy...

Too many pics of men on the blog. For interests of massaging sore eyes,  Heres a little eye candy, Maybe a lot for yall, Here's Nickiiiiii Minaaaaj, hehe

 In other news, Yohan Blake beats Usain Bolt again in both the 100m and 200m. The worlds fastest man is second, twice in three days! We'll, bolt isn't 100% fit. Hopefully he will be in time for the Olympics. And unveil a new dance while he's at it. Maybe a chicken dance or something hehe,and get blake to do it too... This is going to be one interesting year...

Stay Fit.

Yours Truly

Dean

And Other Stories

Good Morning, Evening, Afternoon, Mid morning Reader. How you doing this cold Wednesday. Am good, You?

 Its been seven weeks, four days(Ive binn counting) since my last post. Miss me? No? Maybe then? Yeah... Missed the blog? Look at that smile,......;-), seems you did.













 I've traveled a lot, met lots of old friends, exes and old flings. Some are now more than just friends. Was having a great time, more on that in another post. But after large amounts of pressure by friends and readers, I had to post again. Thank you all for #InterruptingMyHoliday. My creative juices were frozen by the cold(Honest! You know I don't give excuses!) he-he, but lets try defrosting for the time being.

 Recently joined twitter. My user name is @vondeno

Kudos to the readers From Kenya,(Home is best) India, Nepal, Malaysia, Poland, South Africa, Germany, USA, United kingdom and many more... Come one, come all.

 If you don't understand Swahili that well, don't worry. I've got an English section just for you... Bellow the bullet-ed statements...

I was expecting a tough Spain Vs Italy Euro 2012 game on Sunday, and yes it was, with Balloteli Obviously Getting Carded... 1-1 was good for Italy, Very bad for Spain... Wonder which big game is next...

After that came XYZ season 6. Jeff Koinange aint that funny, but he tried. The other presenters are more than hilarious. To them, there is no MRC but theaz a Mombasa Raha Council...

On a sad note, Sunday Morning Prof George Saitoti and is assistant minister for internal security Joshua Ojode perished in a chopper accident in ngong hills with four others. May the lord bless their souls and rest in eternal peace. Among the witnesses were some prity unique characters, courtesy of  K.B.C...

•  Mr Politician. His "presentation" was something like this, My name is Mr so and so. I  am a local leader and potential candidate for the newly created seat by the IEBC of (certain constituency). It is with deep sorrow that we contemplate the passing away of the minister and his vice, both of whom are my mentors. I hope to continue the ministers good work in this region. If elected I will blah blah blah and blah blah to improve the live of my fellow constituents. My candidacy is under the newly formed blah party,... ... Seriously? Your politicking at a crime scene when the nation is watching you and 2 very prominent persons passed away hours ago? No wonder you wanna be a politician, Kenyan style...

• Miss Languages.She had an "Interesting" accent, the ones you can only find in Kenya( ask Eric omondi). In her own words, "Mimi nlikuwa dani ya churchi vile tulisikia dege. Tulikuwa tumesoea kila sunday ngege ingine ilikuwanga ikikuja, lakini leo tuli skisa na tukajua haikuwa hiyo. hiyo dege ilienda hii sydi, ikasimama ikaeda hii ingine na ikarudi tean. Alafu Ikaaza kutoa moshi. Sii tulishtuliwo na kishangao. Na vile tulikuwa tumesoea hiyo dege ingine ikikujanga kila sunday..." and many other subplots. Funny enough, at no point In her story did she mention the plane crashing...

•  Mr Weapons expert.. I was shocked at his words. Cos he seemed to be either a Rambo movie fanatic or a terrorist. Excerpts, "Vile hiyo dege ililipuka tukaanza kusikia ma risasi. Tukakimbia na tuka anza kuzichukua na kuziweka kwa mfuko. Niliwesa kuchukua Bullets 80. Hiyo dege ilikuwa imechomeka sana, hatukuwesa kukaribia sana. Na bado risasi silikuwa sikiruka. Aina ya berretta 38. Ile yenye inakuwanga automatic. Ina tupanga risasi 30 per minute. Sikiogopa. Kwa sababu watu wegine wangekuja na waanze kuziiba na wauzie al shabaab. Afadhali hivyo nilichukua. Apana siwezi uza, Niliwapea polisi wa AP post iliyokuwa karibu. mimi nilikuwa polisi mwala wa 1990 nika staafu... "   Thank God he was a cop. Otherwise he could have been hunted to death by Kenya police(and probably escaped)

Apologies to readers who dont understant swahili that well. I have a small section(not that small), for your enjoyment...


Did you know? If you search for 241543903 in Google images, you will find a lot of pictures of people putting their heads in refrigerators.

How school works:
In class: 2+2=4.
Homework: 2+4+2=8.

Exam: John had 4 apples. He eats one and gives one to a friend. Calculate
the Sun's mass.




A bikini is an outfit where 90% of a woman's body is exposed.
The amazing fact is that men are so decent, they only look at the 10% that isn't! Ha ha

Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence--a life sentence.

Men don't Understand women. How could we, when we barely have any emotional baggage while theirs is... Just look at the pic and read the dictionary. The one below, of course
Female language dictionary
1. Yes = No
2. No = No
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want..
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = And you'll pay dearly
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!

It amazing being a guy. I have lots of private reasons, and here are some of them...
Why its great to be a guy.
- The 3 P's. No pregnancy, Pads or periods.
- Your last name stays put.
- You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
- Wedding plans take care of themselves.
- You can be president.
- A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

 - Car mechanics tell you the truth.
- At some point, guys will be fewer than girls
- Same work... more pay.
-  People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them
- You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
- Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
- Movie nudity is virtually always female.
- You don't have to shave below your neck.
- One mood, all the time.
- Someday you'll be a dirty old man

 There was once a wife so jealous that when her husband came home one night and she couldn't find hairs on his jackets she yelled at him, "Great, so now you're cheating on me with a bald woman!"

The next night, when she didn't smell any perfume, she yelled again by saying, "She's not only bald, but she's too cheap to buy any perfume!"

 And finally...
Q: Why are hurricanes named after women?
A: Because when they come, they're
wild and wet, and when they go they take your house and car with them.

Im Out,

Your blessedly,

Dean.